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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE October, 1991

Editorial

Come out, come out, wherever you are

Another October, another National Coming Out Day and yet another editorial urging you to participate in the day and COME OUT.

Why do we keep doing this? After four years of this kind of editorial, you would think we were tired of it. We are.

We are also tired of watching those who still believe the closet is the safest place to be, struggle, and live--in darkness. So we keep writing and hoping that in our lifetime, this kind of editorial will be passe.

Does everyone have to be out? Does everyone in your office need to know whom you sleep with? No, of course not. That is not what being out is.

Being out is mostly a process of being comfortable with yourself. When you are comfortable with your own sexuality, what other people think may bother you, but it won't make you change your behavior. A life of secrets and lies will be over.

It is possible that your external life won't be much different, but it is guaranteed that your internal life will be. Coming out takes courage and fosters independence of the mind, spirit, and body. That kind of courage changes people. It isn't a one-time thing. Every time you come out, the effects build a better you.

Think about what level of coming out you are. Are you like the Cleveland man who would rather give thousands of dollars to his blackmailer than face others knowing he is gay? Are you out to your parents and siblings? How about work? Does everyone know but not acknowledge it? Is being gay a political thing with you? Can you go get ice cream

CROSS

COMINGEA

CLEVELAND

OUT

DAY 1991

with your "Power Lesbian" shirt on and not be bothered by all the stares?

Be proud of whatever level you are on, but work toward more.

Oct. 11th is National Coming Day, and there are millions of ways you can celebrate whatever level you are.

Some ideas: Wear your pink triangle; talk to your mom; tell a co-worker; call WMJI

Guest Opinion

Coming into her own

by Mistinguette Smith-Malone

When I hear other lesbians talk about their coming-out experiences, I am always quite aware of our differences. I even get stuck on the phrase "coming out" to describe the process of growing into my lesbianism. Coming out of what? Into whose culture?

My definition of growing up as a woman is synonymous with how many women define identifying as a lesbian. Coming out to whom? In what context?

I don't remember how I first knew there was a thing called a lesbian, a woman of strength and independence who loves other women. I do remember that the definition left me confused.

Aren't all black girls expected to grow up to be warriors--physically strong, enotionally tough, verbally outspoken, and self-assured? Isn't every womar taught that her relationships with other women are the most passionate, intimate, and enduring connections that she will ever experience?

Of course, it didn't hurt either that no one

Barbara and Beverly Smith, and Becky Birtha saying, "YES! You can be black and lesbian and feminist all at the same time!"--by that time, I had given up hope, and married a man. I obviously recovered.

I love living visibly as a lesbian because it interrupts people of color's cultural assumptions about homosexuality as a disease acquired by the weak, caught by hanging around white folks.

Living gently as a lesbian means helping my parents and siblings hear the word "lesbian" in a way they can understand--as an adjective modifying "family." Now I have a life instead of a "lifestyle," and my sister is still pissed that my lover didn't come over for Easter dinner.

I also love working as an "out" lesbian.

GAYLEZBI... LET YOUR FLAG FY

ROADS

5017

21991

and tell the station manager you are queer and you don't like all the bashing his station does; write down your coming-out story and share it with someone; stand in front of your mirror and say three times, “I'm gay (or lesbian) and I am proud!"; volunteer for the Center hot line; or just dream a dream of freedom where someday all lesbians and gay men will be proud to just be themselves.▼

Standing on the flatbed waiting to speak at the kickoff for the Pride '91 March I thought, "What a great job I have! I get to be a visibly lesbian, loud-mouthed activist, and I get paid for this!"

I've decided I don't like that little phrase, "coming out." Its sound is unnatural to me. It seems to encourage the simple statement, "Hey, look, I'm a lesbian," instead of demonstrating the committment to loving women that living as a lesbian means to me.

Its flippancy diminishes the courage, love, and trust required of every lesbian who lives in the open. It is too simple a phrase to express choosing conciousness, visibility, and integrity on behalf of us all. ▼

gay people's

HRONICLE

Vol. 7, Issue 4

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Martha J. Pontoni, Dora Forbes, Marne Harris Faith Klasek, Robert Laycock, Kevin Beaney, Douglas Braun, Bob Boone, Bob Downing, Joan Rizzo, Lois Lane, Stephanie Dlugon, Nora Vetarius

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Question of the Month

at home thought to discourage my Barbies Who would you most like to see come out?

from dating each other.

I was well into adolescence when I discovered this separate thing call “being a lesbian", and realized that the prevailing culture does not expect for that passionate, enduring connection between women to be sexual.

By then, it was too late. I had found the flourishing feminist movement of the '70s; the women I admired most were dykes and I wanted to grow up to be just like them.

Even though I have always known that I am a lesbian, living as a lesbian is another matter entirely. Inventing one's self is never easy, and the invisibility of lesbians of color makes that doubly so. Loving openly as a black lesbian is important to me because, by the time I found Pat Parker and Audre Lourde,

Each month, the Chronicle has a "Question of the Month" focusing on an event or controversy in the lesbian-gay community. Readers may call 1-900-466-KWIR (5947) to give an answer. Comments or opinions may also be recorded; we will publish excerpts of these in the following issue. The call costs 99 cents per minute.

October's Question:

you

would

On October 11th, lesbians and gays all over the world will take another step out of the closet. What we would like to know is who most like to see come out, famous or not. It could be a political figure, an actor or your mom. Or, if you'd rather, you can tell us how you celebrated National Coming Out Day. Call 1-900-446-KWIR and let us know. We will publish the results in November.

Last month's question

"Who would you like to see as mayor of Lakewood?“

Apparently no one cares who rules Lakewood, at least not enough to talk about it. The response was overwhelming silence. Well, have fu with this month's question.